Changing Parameters
by Lelila
Summary: When Chakotay reminds Kathryn of New Earth, some things begin to change. How will it affect them, Voyager's crew, and the Delta Quadrant at large?
1. The Angry Warrior and the Woman Warrior

_Star Trek belongs to Paramount. I don't even live near any mountains so...yeah. I'm not them._

_Chapter 1: The Angry Warrior and The Woman Warrior Seek Peace_

_by Lelila_

It started one night about 3 ½ months after they returned from New Earth. The incident with Seska and the child she told him was his but wasn't was in the past, and Chakotay was over that (or at least he told himself so).

Still, he'd been very restless. Inner peace, especially when he was alone, was elusive. A vision quest where he'd asked for quiet had been very confusing. The only thing that had made any sense about it was the frequent appearances of his captain.

In pondering the vision, he quickly realized that the quietest his inner demons had ever been was when he and Kathryn had been on New Earth: when they were both relaxed and not worried about appearances or protocol or regulations and her laugh was frequent and her smile nearly constant.

He was able to find some of that in their weekly dinners, especially when the conversation turned from Voyager matters. They told each other silly stories about their childhoods and Academy days, had deep discussions about literature and science and even occasionally dipped into touchy topics like philosophy and religion. They didn't always agree, but they always respected each others opinions.

Despite Kathryn's insistence that their relationship remain platonic, Chakotay found himself seeking her out every chance he got. She worked well past the ends of her shifts much of the time, but he could usually coax her into having a small meal with him. He still spent a significant portion of his off-time with the crew; he considered that part of his job and was a genuinely sociable person, but when he knew that both he and Kathryn were off-duty he would make a point of visiting her.

And so, one night well after midnight, he found himself going back to his quarters after a couple of raucous games of pool at Sandrine's. He had to pass Kathryn's quarters to get there, and, almost without thinking, he stopped in front of her door. He rang the chime and she immediately called for him to come in.

The door opened to reveal her sprawled on her sofa, stripped to her tank with her uniform boots lying carelessly beneath the coffee table. She looked up from the PADD she was reading. "Chakotay. Is something the matter?"

He walked in just far enough to let the door cycle shut behind him. "No," he replied, clutching his hands behind his back. "I was just wondering if you'd like to join me for a glass of wine."

Kathryn glanced at the chronometer on her PADD. "At this hour?"

"You caught me," he grinned. "This is actually a First Officer ruse to try and get the Captain to relax and get some sleep."

Kathryn shook her head, but Chakotay caught the crooked smile on her face. "What the hell," she chuckled after a moment. "I'm not getting anywhere with this anyway." She tossed her PADD on the table.

"Red or white?" he asked, crossing to the replicator.

"Red," she called. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her swing her legs down and set her elbows on her knees so she could rub her temples.

"Any other preferences?"

She looked up at him, letting her arms dangle over her knees, betraying her exhaustion. "Is there such a thing as coffee wine?"

He couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think so."

"Then, whatever." She waved a hand at him, settling back into the cushions.

He ordered two glasses of Merlot and joined her in the sitting area. He handed her her glass and she smiled at him before swinging her feet up onto the sofa and pulling up her knees to allow room for him at the other end. She sipped her wine and asked: "So, to what do I owe this late-night visit? It can't simply be to share a glass of wine."

He settled into the other corner and grinned. "Is it against protocol to say that I enjoy your company?"

She smirked at him. "No," she replied before averting her eyes and taking a long pull at her wine. "Although Lt. Cmdr Cavit might have thought so."

"Voyager's first XO?"

"Mmm hmm," she nodded into her wine before looking up. Her face was a bit more open now. "He was a good officer. A bit smug, but a good officer. And more by-the-book than Harry."

Chakotay chuckled. "I didn't think that was possible."

Kathryn shook her head. "For Voyager's original mission, that three weeks in the Badlands, he probably was the perfect man for the job. But for where we ended up..." She shook her head again. "It wouldn't have been easy with him in the position."

"And it's been such a walk in the park so far," Chacotay joked, hoping to pull her out the pensive mood she seemed to be lapsing in and out of.

She favored him with a crooked smile. "He would not have liked having Maquis on this crew. I'm sure he would have argued to find a way to lock you all up in the brig for the entire trip."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "All forty of us? For seventy-five years?"

"He would have thought of something," she smirked into her glass before taking another sip. Sighing, she turned to look out the viewport as she hooked an arm over the back of the sofa. "While I regret every person we've lost, I have to say that I think things worked out for the best when it came to the First Officer for this journey." She turned her eyes back to his and smiled softly. "And I know I never would have gained such a good friend."

He returned her smile and reached across the back of the sofa, taking her hand.

They regarded each other in silence for a few moments, sipping their wine. Finally Chakotay spoke softly. "Kathryn, may I ask you a personal question?"

The pensive look in her eyes evaporated as she tossed him a cockeyed smirk. "You can ask. I can't promise I'll answer."

"Fair enough," he returned lightly before letting her pensiveness infect him. He squeezed her hand gently before looking into her eyes and asking: "Do you ever think about New Earth?"

Her smile disappeared as she cast her eyes back into her wine glass. "Sometimes," she answered softly before looking back up. "Do you?"

He put his wine on the table and pulled at his earlobe, but didn't break her gaze. "More than sometimes." He squeezed her hand again. "Do you miss it?"

"Some things," she answered quietly. "The bathtub," she said, seemingly forcing a smile onto her lips. "I definitely miss the bathtub. These Starfleet issue ones just aren't the same."

His smile was real. "I think it's still in the cargo bay. I could retrofit it if you like."

Her smile turned genuine. "That won't be necessary, but thank you." She looked shyly at him through her lashes. "That's still maybe the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

He threaded his fingers through hers. "What else do you miss?"

He watched a number of emotions cross over her face as her gaze fell back to her wine. "The sound of the wind in the trees," she whispered. "The smell of the earth after it rained. The buzz of the metallic water bugs over the river." She shifted in her seat, seeming a bit uncomfortable with what she was about to say. "Not having to worry about things like how to cut power consumption without denying the crew things like replicator privileges." She gestured with her glass to the PADD that lay abandoned on her table. She drained the last of her wine and pulled a deep breath, seemingly gathering herself. "And you?" She looked back into his eyes. "What do you miss?"

Chakotay's insides warmed and cooled at the same time. He felt like something important was about to happen, but he wasn't sure what. He wasn't even sure why he picked this topic of conversation to begin with. "So much," he answered, feeling his breath start to quicken a little. "The surge of the river around my ankles. The discovery of finding ways to use the resources around us. Lying beneath the stars and finding new constellations. Hearing your laughter on the breeze. Finding new ways to make you smile. I miss...I miss _us,_ Kathryn."

Kathryn pulled her hand from his, her face becoming hard. "Chakotay, we've talked about this..."

"No, not like that." He reached his now empty hand to her, hoping to regain the growing intimacy that had suddenly shattered. "I'm not talking about anything we can't have. I'm talking about what we did have. The ease of our rapport, the comfort we took in each others presence. I get flashes of it sometimes, during our weekly dinners, during times like this, but…" He sighed, sagging back into the sofa. "It's not been the same."

Kathryn pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She rest her chin on one knee and looked at him, her expression softening as the silence between them expanded. "I miss us too," she finally whispered.

Chakotay felt like his heart might burst; he _knew_ she felt for him what he did for her, at least to an extent. But the only response he could come up with at that moment was a huge smile.

She returned the gesture somewhat shyly as she leaned forward and dropped a foot to the floor, tucking her other leg under her as she scooted a bit closer to him. "Is this about the Angry Warrior?" she asked as she softly slipped her fingers back into his palm.

His smile faded as he nodded. "While his pledge stands, and always will, he's finding it harder to find peace lately, especially when he's not around the Woman Warrior."

Compassion shone in her eyes and Chakotay had to swallow the lump that formed in his throat. "I've seen it," she whispered. She leaned back a little, but kept her hand in his. "The Woman Warrior feels much the same way, and, as long as the Angry Warrior doesn't ask anything from her that she hasn't already given, he's welcome in her quarters whenever she's there."

Chakotay was certain that his heart would burst now, and had the strongest urge to use the hand nestled in his to pull her to him and kiss her. Somehow he was able to restrain himself and settled for squeezing her hand and smiling broadly.

"And you don't need some pretense like sharing a glass of wine with me at 0230 in the morning. I enjoy your company too." She grinned as she leaned forward to grab his abandoned glass, downing the remainder of the wine in one long pull.

"Kathryn!"

"Oh please, it's synthahol," she dismissed as she settled back against the armrest, pulling her knees up again. "And even if it were real, two glasses – one and a half glasses – of wine is hardly enough to get me drunk."

Chacotay arched an eyebrow. "Oh really?

"Is that a challenge, Commander?"

"Absolutely not. I'm certain you've drunk your share of crewmen under the table."

Kathryn laughed. "Well, maybe not under the table, but I can keep up with most. Or at least look like I am." She winked at him.

A shiver shot down his spine and prickled his groin, but he hid it by laughing back. "I never would have taken you for a hustler."

"Really?" She looked surprised. "You've played pool with me."

"That's true." He paused. "I take it back; you are quite the hustler."

She saluted him with his empty glass. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"As it's meant to be," Chakotay grinned. The unrest he'd come here with was gone. A great satisfaction washed over him as he appreciated the fact that they could go from a deeply personal discussion to joking and laughing within a few moments.

They fell into silence again, this time happy and comfortable. There was so much he suddenly wanted to say, to do...but he knew she needed to take the lead in this. The fact that she'd admitted she'd missed what they had was actually a big step, as was inviting him back into her private life. She'd show him when it was appropriate to share those things.

"Well," he finally said, "pretenses aside, you really should get some rest."

"Is that the Angry Warrior talking or my First Officer?"

"Both." He stood and tugged her to her feet with the hand he still held. He took his glass from her and was about to drop her hand and pick up the other one when he saw her looking up at him. She was quite short without her boots on and a brief bout of vertigo passed through Chakotay as he felt for a moment he was going to fall into the clear blue of her eyes. He squeezed her hand again. Oh, how he wanted to kiss her!

"Here, I'll get that," she said softly as she took the glass back from him. "You need your rest too."

The moment passed and he managed a smirk to cover his swirling emotions. "Is that the Woman Warrior or my Captain speaking?"

"Both," she echoed, dropping his hand and giving his shoulder a little push. "But mostly the Captain. I need you wide awake in case I'm not."

Chakotay chuckled. "Yes ma'am." He took a few steps towards her door as she gathered the other glass and headed for the replicator. He paused, looking back at her. "Good night, Kathryn."

She looked up at him, smiling softly. "Good night, Chakotay. See you in the morning."

He nodded and headed back to his quarters, his heart quite a bit lighter.

* * *

_ETA: I'm so embarrassed! I misspelled Chakotay's name throughout the whole story. I think I have them all fixed now..._

_Warning: long, rambling author's note ahead._

_Well, the muse has gone and done it again. Whispering all this really great stuff to me about a new story when I've got three others already going. The only way to make her shut up and get back to proper work is to write this all down. So here we are, chapter one of a new story and a page and a half of notes for what comes next..._

_It's probably my own fault. I recently started binge-watching Star Trek: Voyager on Netflix. I'd watched most of it when it originally ran, but I found that I really didn't remember very much of it. It was a pleasant surprise, because it felt like I got a whole bunch of new stories about characters I already knew and loved. I've become rather obsessed with Captain Janeway; she is one of the strongest, smartest, most complex characters I think I've ever seen. You fanboys can argue Kirk vs Picard all you want; my choice for the best Star Trek captain is Kathryn Janeway!_

_I've also become rather obsessed with Janeway's relationship with Chakotay; even after it became very clear that they'd never be more than friends, the chemistry between them still crackled. And, being the geek that I am, I had to find out why the writers didn't explore that more._

_After digging around a bit on YouTube, I found a couple of con panels that Kate Mulgrew did. And in answer to that question (which always got asked), she answered that it her doing; she'd put her foot down with the producers and said that if she was going to be the captain, then they were going to do it right and she was going to be the captain and not just some love interest for the men in the cast. Putting myself in her shoes, I can only applaud her. That was the right decision. Remember, this was almost twenty years ago and the glass ceiling was still pretty low in some places. The idea of a female captain in Star Trek was not universally accepted; in fact there was some pretty negative backlash at the time and the producers were ordered by the studio to audition male actors for the role even though they wanted a woman. Given all of that, and the fact that she was the second choice for the role, I grow more and more in awe of Mulgrew's performance with every episode. _

_BUT...being the shipper that I am...I couldn't let it go, and neither could the muse. And so this started bubbling up into my brain. It's a ((not really a) spoiler alert!) what-if-Kathryn-changed-her-mind-about-having-a-relationship-with-Chakotay story. I've seen these done a couple ways: some are very rigid with the rest of the canon and others go off in completely different directions. This, I think, will be kind of a hybrid between the two. The framework of the show will be the main framework of the story, but the time-line might get moved around a little and stuff is going to get left out. Plus some major things will change. Be on the lookout for a new alien race that may or may not cause problems for our favorite Delta Quadrant crew. :-)_

_That said, I hesitate to call this au (alternate universe). While technically that is true (au is anything that didn't or couldn't happen within the existing canon), there's au and then there's AU. There's the au I like to read and write – stuff that could have happened in canon if the writers had zagged instead of zigged. And then there's AU where characters' ages/sexes/relationships/backgrounds and the setting are TOTALLY different from canon. That's usually what I think of when I see something labeled au. That's not what this is. Also, the rating will probably go up at some point, but for now I saw no reason in giving it an M rating since what's up here now doesn't qualify._

_So...I think I've rambled on enough. If you've read any of my other stuff, you know I'm not the kind to update every day or even every week. It'll go up when I get it done. But I do hope you like it and will take a minute to let me know what you think so far._


	2. Close Encounters

_Everybody that wears a Starfleet Comm-badge in this story belongs to Paramount._

_Chapter 2: Close Encounters_

_by Lelila_

Outwardly, nothing much changed between the Captain and her First Officer over the next few months. Inwardly, privately, the line between them began to soften. Alone in her quarters with Chakotay, Kathryn began to feel a bit like she did the last few weeks on New Earth: relaxed, happy, creative. She sensed a change in him as well: the stiffness and hesitancy they'd both displayed during quieter moments after their return was fading, and at times Kathryn didn't feel it at all.

Chakotay would show up at her door a few times a week when it fit into both of their schedules. Officially she always worked Alpha shift, though finding her in her Ready Room halfway through Beta shift was not uncommon. Chakotay's shift rotated; he made a point of working Beta and Gamma shifts on a regular basis. But he would always seek her out, if only in an official capacity.

Most of the nights that they spent together were actually spent working. She'd sit on one end of the sofa, he on the other, and they'd go through their respective reports. The comfortable silence would be broken now and again to discuss points they'd read, or simply to take a break. Kathryn found herself looking forward to his visits; when he was around she was always calmer and less stressed.

Their weekly dinner nights were different. They'd discuss ship's business over the meal, but afterward, they had an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't talk about work. Sometimes they would talk about other topics, sometimes they would play chess or a similar game, but most often, one of them would read aloud.

This was a ritual they'd started on New Earth. Usually it was Kathryn who would read while Chakotay would carve or sand-paint. Since they'd taken it up again, they split the reading duties pretty evenly, with the understanding that whoever was doing the reading would choose the literature. Kathryn preferred classic novels, which they often shared reading duties of due to their length. Chakotay frequently brought poetry of all different types and origins.

Kathryn quickly discovered that he had a lovely speaking and reading voice. She'd always unconsciously been aware of the soft gentleness of it, even when he was giving orders on the Bridge. But it had really caught her attention the first time she'd heard him speak her given name.

It was the third morning they were on New Earth. She'd emerged from her sleeping area to find Chakotay making pancakes for breakfast with some berries they'd found growing nearby. He'd looked over his shoulder and smiled, greeting her with "Good morning, Kathryn."

The way he said it…it was reverent, almost like a prayer. And he'd said it that way ever since, no matter the circumstances, it was always like he was paying homage to her when he said her name. And always her full name too, even once they'd become quite close. Granted, that's what she'd asked him to call her, but she'd been Kathy, Katie, and Kath at various points in her life with different people, and she'd never had a problem with any of those nicknames. But somehow, those monikers would sound wrong in his voice, and secretly she hoped he would never call her anything but Kathryn.

She was musing on this one night as she listened to him reading a Bajoran love poem cycle. She watched him the soft light: his large hands cradling the small book, the way his lashes danced as his eyes swept across the page, the sensuous way his lips formed the words.

And the words themselves; they were so beautiful. The poems told a story of lovers that longed for each other but could only steal moments together. They made Kathryn's heart ache, and the way Chakotay read them…it was as if he'd written them himself.

Chakotay came to the end of a poem and made a comment that Kathryn, in her reverie, didn't catch. "Kathryn?" he prodded. "What did you think?"

She cleared her throat, snapping herself back to the here and now. "It was…lovely. Very…emotional." She swallowed, a shy smile creasing her face. "And you…you seem to be the perfect reader for this text."

Chakotay looked away briefly, an embarrassed grin pulling at his lips. "I doubt the Bajorans on board would say that, especially considering this is a translation."

"Well then, you're lucky I'm not Bajoran." She'd meant it as a jest, perhaps a bit flirtatiously, but it came out sounding much more earnest.

"I am lucky," he responded, his voice serious. He paused, the sentiment hanging in the air, before he asked, his voice practically caressing her: "The next poem is from the woman's point of view. Perhaps you could read it?"

Her cheeks burning, Kathryn looked up at him, finding a smoky look in his eyes. "Well, I suppose you would sound silly reading it," she managed to rasp out.

He grinned. "I don't know that 'silly' is the word I would have chosen, but I do think it would sound better in your voice." His face softened, but the look in his eyes intensified. "I'd like to hear you read it," he said softly.

Again, it took her a few moments to get her voice to work. She was suddenly very aware of how much effort it took to breathe. "Alright," she finally whispered.

He closed the book, keeping his finger in place, and offered it to her. She accepted it, her fingers brushing over his as she inserted one between the pages he held. Pulling a deep breath, she opened the small tome to the marked place and began to read.

She attempted to keep her tone even and her inflection literary, and for the first stanza or so, she succeeded fairly well. But as she read on, telling in beautiful language of the speaker's desire for her lover but inability to be with him due to propriety, her own emotions began to swirl and push their way to the surface. The object of the poet's desire started to look more and more like Chakotay in Kathryn's mind. As the speaker lapsed further and further into despair and longing, Kathryn's voice cracked as a lump in her throat formed.

She managed to make it to the end of the poem before a sob escaped her. "Kathryn?" Chakotay nudged, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up into his eyes, realizing her soul was laid bare before him; the woman in the poem could have been her, could have been either of them, really. The smoky expression that had been in his eyes previously had returned, but it was tinged with sadness now.

An errant tear slipped down her cheek, and the smokiness in Chakotay's eyes softened and tempered with kindness, but the sadness remained. He raised his other hand to her cheek and smoothed the tear away with his thumb.

They sat there for what felt like forever, Kathryn feeling like she was both falling into and being embraced by his warm brown eyes while he continued to gently caress her cheek. It was taking quite an effort to breathe again. Something in the back of her head was telling her she should move, or speak, or do something, _anything_ but sit there hypnotized by this man's gaze and touch, but she couldn't. She felt both incredibly terrified and perfectly safe at the same time, and she didn't know what to do in the face of that.

Sometime, eons later, Chakotay dropped his gaze and looked away, his fingers slipping from her cheek. "I...I should go," he murmured. He started to stand.

"No," she said before she realized she was going to. She grabbed his wrist. "It's alright. We just...we just need to do something besides reading these poems." She set the book on the coffee table and hazarded a look up into his face.

The look he returned was quizzical. "Kathryn, I...are you sure?"

"Yes, of course." She popped to her feet, suddenly a ball of nervous energy. "We could...we could..." she paced a bit, trying to come up with a suggestion. "I know!" She snapped her fingers. "We could play Kal-toh!"

"Kal-toh?" Chakotay looked befuddled.

Kathryn started to rummage through the drawers in her desk. "Yes. I replicated myself a board not too long ago in the hopes that I could get some practice in and actually present something of a challenge to Tuvok at some point. Aha!" She pulled the board from her desk, shutting the drawer with a resounding slam. She set the board on the dining table and activated the small holographic device.

Chakotay rose to join her, his expression still dubious. "I've only played a few times, and I recall being pretty terrible."

"Well, you're in luck," she said as she settled herself in front of the jumbled ball of rods. "Because I'm terrible too!" She laughed, and that finally brought a faint smile to Chakotay's face.

They spent the next hour and a half puzzling over the would-be sphere. The tension between them quickly melted away and they were able to enjoy each others' company even as they became more and more frustrated. Eventually, Chakotay eased a rod into place only to have all of their progress collapse between them.

"Chakotay!" Kathryn protested good-naturedly.

"I told you I wasn't very good!"

Kathryn laughed. "I suppose I wasn't much help."

"No, actually, you weren't." He smiled at her.

Kathryn chuckled and shook her head as she shut the device off and rose to put it away. As she did, she caught sight of the grandfather clock that stood in her quarters. "Oh, good heavens, it's 0130 already!" She balanced a hand on her hip. "I hate to throw you out, but we do have that tactical exercise tomorrow morning..."

He stood, waving a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry about it, I need to get to bed too." He walked around the table and took both of her hands in his. "Thank you for a lovely evening, Kathryn." The smoke began to appear in his eyes again.

Kathryn's chest started to get tight, but she managed to keep her breathing even as she returned his smile. "My pleasure."

He squeezed her hands and then turned to go.

"Good night, Chakotay," she called after him.

"Good night, Kathryn," he smiled over his shoulder as the door opened for him.

After the door shut behind him, Kathryn heaved a deep sigh, feeling herself deflate. "What the hell are you doing, Kathryn?" she muttered as she bustled over to the sofa to gather up their coffee mugs. On the table she found the book of poems; Chakotay had left it. "I shouldn't be reading love poetry with my First Officer, that's what," she answered her own question.

Still, something made her sit down and ponder the small book. She picked it up and it easily fell open to the last poem. The page was a bit dog-eared; Chakotay had obviously read it many times. Kathryn scanned over the words. She quickly surmised that the lovers in the tale never were able to be together, and the poem spoke of the things their love did afford them: seeing each other smile, making each other laugh, a fast friendship that could never be broken.

She re-read the poem, again easily picturing Chakotay as the speaker. As the book fell shut, the irritation she felt with herself faded, only to be replaced with sadness and longing. Was friendship really enough?

She sighed again, placing the book back on the table and taking the mugs over to the replicator. It would have to be, she told herself again. There was too much ice on that road, no matter how tightly they held on to each other. She had too many other responsibilities to hazard falling.

She told the computer to extinguish the lights in the living area and went to get ready for bed. Before she called for the lights in the bedroom, she paused. In the darkness of her own sleeping chamber, she could still feel his hand on her cheek. She pressed her own hand to the spot and felt her heart contract with loneliness.

000000OOOOOO000000

Kathryn did not sleep well that night. She kept waking up feeling Chakotay's fingers on her cheek, her deepest feelings for him foremost in her mind. She'd forcibly push them back down and attempt to go to sleep again, but her internal struggle made her very restless.

She got out of bed before her alarm and inhaled two replicated cups of coffee before making her way to Holodeck 2 for the scheduled tactical exercises. She was spoiling for a fight when she got there. She didn't bother to even attempt diplomacy with their simulated adversaries, she just told Tuvok to disable their weapons. When Chakotay questioned her, she snapped: "It's an exercise, Commander. Of _course_ they're going to be hostile!"

Unable to argue that logic, the simulation continued. The little alien ship turned out to be much more robust than it initially appeared, and the two ships played cat-and-mouse as the smaller ship buzzed around _Voyager. _They were finally able to disable it thanks to some fancy flying by Tom and a hit-and-fade orchestrated by Harry.

"Good work, everyone," Kathryn congratulated her crew. "Now, on to the real bridge and the real work for the day."

That was met with some fake groans, which finally brought a touch of a smile to Kathryn's lips. Still, between the turmoil of the night before and the stress of the simulation, she was not in the best of moods.

The Alpha Shift Bridge crew had barely taken their stations and Kathryn hadn't even crossed her legs after sitting down when Harry announced there was a vessel on long range sensors.

"Onscreen," Kathryn called. A mere pinpoint appeared and she called for magnification. It was a medium-sized vessel, a freighter by the looks of it. "Anyone recognize it?"

After a few moments of silence, Tuvok supplied: "It does not match any known configuration in our database."

"Hmmmm," Kathryn acknowledged, waggling her foot in the air as she thought. After a few moments, she tapped her comm badge. "Bridge to Neelix."

"Neelix here, Captain."

"We've run across an unknown type of vessel. Report to the Bridge to see if you can identify it."

"On my way!"

"That was rather short," Chakotay commented to her in a low voice. Kathryn responded with her Death Glare. Most men shrank from that look, but Chakotay just raised his eyebrows.

As they waited for Neelix, the mystery ship came about and started towards them at a rather high velocity.

"Speedy little thing, isn't she?" Tom commented.

"The faster the delivery, the higher the profit," Harry intoned.

"Studying the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, Harry?" Chakotay asked with a smirk.

Harry shrugged. "I glanced over them when we ran into those Ferengi last week."

"Time to intercept?" Kathryn clipped into the banter.

"Approximately seven minutes," Tuvok replied.

Neelix arrived on the bridge just then, bustling down to the lower level. "Good morning, Captain," he greeted cheerily.

"Mr. Neelix," Kathryn acknowledged. She gestured to the viewscreen. "Know anything about this type of vessel and who might be piloting it?"

Neelix studied the screen for a moment. "Well, um…I believe that's a Lu'ushen freighter."

"Lu'ushen?" Kathryn questioned. She'd not heard of that race before, though that was not an uncommon experience during this voyage.

"Yes, they're from a small system quite a ways from here, actually. I've never been there. But they are active travelers and traders and they can be found throughout most of the quadrant. There are a small band of them that are basically nomadic; they live on their ships."

"Do they pose any kind of a threat?"

"No, I shouldn't think so. Generally they're friendly, or at least cooperative. Although I have heard stories of the occasional rogue ship attacking for no reason, but I think those are more legend than truth. My dealings with them have never been anything but cordial."

Kathryn nodded, but gestured to the screen again. "Do you have any idea why they would be approaching us at a high rate of speed?"

Neelix looked dumbstruck for a moment. "Well…no. That's really not like them at all."

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Open a channel." Tuvok nodded and she launched into her standard greeting. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship _Voyager _to the unidentified freighter off our port change your approach vector; you are risking a collision."

"No response," Tuvok said after a moment.

"Have we got any readings on them?" Chakotay asked the next logical question.

"Forty humanoid life signs aboard, minimal weapons, basic shielding. They pose no real threat," Tuvok answered.

"Tell that to them," Tom said. "She's comin' in pretty hot!"

Kathryn shifted her attention back to the viewscreen to see the freighter barreling towards them, its thrusters leaving a bright white tail behind it.

"They're gonna ram us!" Harry yelped.

"Shields!" Chakotay barked as Kathryn spit orders to Tom. "Evasive pattern Delta six!"

Kathryn dug her nails into the upholstery of her chair as the inertial dampers struggled as Tom swung the ship into an arc. "Tuvok, disable their propulsion!" she snapped. Her mood took another dip as she saw the freighter loop over them, punching through the space they'd just occupied.

"Firing phasers," Tuvok replied evenly and two well-aimed red beams connected with the aft section of the alien ship. The glowing thruster section blew up and broke away, but, inertia being what it was, the rest of the ship still sped towards them.

"Tom!" Kathryn cried.

"I see it," Tom grunted as his hands flew over the console. "Hold on; this is going to be bumpy!"

The ship lurched again as Tom attempted to roll it out of the way. Before they were able to recover from that, the ship shook violently, tossing the crew around. Kathryn was pitched forward from her chair, landing on her hands and knees. Looking up, she saw Chakotay fall from his seat and land hard on his behind. "Are you alright?" she asked as the red alert lights and alarm came on, indicating the ship had sustained major damage.

"Other than a bruised tailbone, I think so," he answered, rubbing his lower back. "You?"

Kathryn pushed herself back onto her knees and shook her hands. "I'm fine. Report!" she shouted as she climbed to her feet.

"We have hull breaches on decks four, five and six," Harry's hurried voice answered. "Force fields are holding. Injuries reported on those decks as well as two, seven, eight and fourteen. Shields are down."

"What the hell happened?" Kathryn demanded as she took in the viewscreen again, this time seeing only debris. "Did they fire on us?"

"Negative," Tuvok replied. "They were unable to maneuver without their thrusters and thus remained on a collision course. I would hypothesize that impacting against our shields caused catastrophic failure of their hull, which in turn overloaded our shields. They then crashed into our hull, causing the current damage to us and destroying their ship."

Kathryn pulled a deep breath, the agitation she'd been feeling replaced with regret. Forty lives. She turned to Chakotay, seeing the same remorse in his eyes.

She swallowed and put her command face back on. "Commander, get repair crews started. I want reports on all of the damage and wounded by 1300 hours. Mr. Tuvok, Mr. Kim, scan the debris field to see if you can find something, _anything_ that might explain the motives of the people on that ship. Neelix, you're with me," she gestured towards her Ready Room. "Commander, you have the Bridge," she called over her shoulder.

"Aye, Captain," she heard as she entered her office.

000000OOOOOO000000

Two days passed, and repairs were ahead of schedule. Tuvok and Harry's scans of the debris had turned up nothing of any real interest and Neelix's only explanation was that maybe the stories of the rogue Lu'ushens weren't so apocryphal after all.

Things were getting back to normal, and Chakotay decided he would visit Kathryn that evening. He stopped by his quarters to gather some things to take with him. He'd barely touched the first PADD on his desk when his door chimed.

"Come in," he answered absently as he plugged a PADD into his computer terminal and called up his list of reports.

"Can we work in here tonight?" Kathryn bustled in, her arms full of PADDs that she dropped with a clatter onto his coffee table. "The repairs they're doing to the inner hull are causing an unholy racket to travel through the environmental ducting straight into my quarters." She paused, holding up a finger when he started to say something. She stood a moment, obviously listening for something. "I'm surprised you can't hear it in here."

Chakotay shrugged. "No racket, unholy or otherwise, that I've heard. Make yourself at home. Can I get you something? Coffee," he said at the same time she replied.

She looked up from where she was sorting through her PADDs and grinned. "Am I that predictable?"

"When it comes to your beverage of choice, yes." He returned her smile and turned to the replicator. "Computer, one black coffee and one lavender tea, both hot."

"Won't that put you to sleep?" she asked as the cups appeared.

"No, lavender's just relaxing." He delivered her mug to her waiting hands. "It's chamomile that puts you to sleep."

"I'll stick to black tea, thanks."

"You always go for the hard stuff, don't you?" he teased as he scooped up a handful of PADDs and his teacup and moved to join her on the sofa.

"I could drink you under the table," she smirked as she started to scan through a report.

Chakotay frowned as he settled next to her. "I thought you said you could just keep up."

"That was alcohol," she glanced up from her PADD and grinned wickedly. "I'm talking about caffeine." She pointedly took a long pull from her mug.

Chakotay laughed. "I have no doubt."

They eased into their now comfortable routine, mostly reading in silence but occasionally bringing up a point to discuss from whatever was in front of them. An hour and a half later (during which time Kathryn had two cups of coffee and a cup of lavender tea while Chakotay had consumed only a cup and a half of tea) found Kathryn's boots under the table as she curled into the corner of the sofa. Chakotay had moved to the center of the sofa and had propped his still-booted feet onto the coffee table. A calm, friendly silence was currently settled over the room.

They were both absorbed in their respective reports, so Kathryn didn't see Chakotay frown. "You're a scientist," he stated into the quiet.

"So are you," she replied without looking up.

"True, but archeology and paleontology usually don't involve math like this."

"Math like what?" Kathryn tossed her feet over the edge of the sofa and scooted next to him, peering at the complex equation on the PADD he held in his hand. "Not up on your interstellar calculus, hmmm?"

"I think I learned it long enough to pass the course."

Kathryn chuckled, leaning over his chest a little to better examine the figures. After a few moments, she grabbed his hand and turned the device ninety degrees.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay laughed in surprise.

"Sometimes I understand these things better if I look at them vertically," she explained before turning his hand back the original way. "Not this time though."

"Does it make any sense?"

Kathryn shook her head, a few stray hairs tickling Chakotay's chin. "No. It's almost like…ah, that's it." She tapped the screen. "They forgot to list the radiation constant. No wonder it didn't make any sense."

"No wonder."

She looked up and grinned. "Send that one back to be corrected."

"Gladly." Chakotay dropped the PADD onto the cushion next to him.

"As long as we're explaining reports to each other, maybe you can help me with this one," Kathryn dug for a PADD on the table and then sat back, still dangerously close: hip to hip, her head hovering over his shoulder. She held it up for him to see, and like she had before, he didn't take it from her but instead held both it and her hand at the same time.

He grinned. "Oh, that's just Yacobian's inventory report. Sometimes when he knows it's going to be dull, he'll compose it in rhyme. He's got quite a talent for it, actually."

Kathryn gave him a _look_ over her shoulder. "And you let him get away with it?"

"All the information is there, and he only does it when they're routine. And…" he looked away, a little sheepish, "…we have the understanding that if it needs to be by-the-book, all I have to do is ask and he'll re-do it quickly and without complaint."

"Oh…" Kathryn wrenched her hand and the PADD from his grip and swatted him with it.

Chakotay shrugged. "It breaks up the monotony, both for him and for me. Go on, read it."

Kathryn paused a moment, looking dubious, but started to read the report aloud. She chuckled almost immediately at the inventiveness of it. The longer she read, the more she laughed, Chakotay joining her after a bit. By the time she reached the end, they were both in hysterics, Kathryn's temple leaning against his shoulder in an attempt to stay upright, his arm loosely around her, fingertips absently stroking her shoulder.

"Oh, goodness!" Kathryn gasped, leaning out of his embrace to take a drink of tea. "You _must_ be sure to send future reports like that my way."

Chakotay grinned. "Is that an order?"

"Yes!" Kathryn enthused as she settled back against his side.

"How did you get that anyway?" he asked. "Yacobian's reports come to me."

Kathryn shrugged, flashing a precocious smile. "Must have grabbed the wrong PADD."

He elbowed her playfully, which she returned before settling down again to read the next report, though she didn't move away at all.

Chakotay swallowed, suddenly finding himself a bit nervous with her proximity. He pulled a deep breath in an effort to calm himself, but in doing so, he unintentionally caught the scent of her hair. It was floral with some spicy notes to it and the undertone of coffee. The fragrance seemed to be a perfect complement to her and it warmed him in more ways than one. He looked down at her, studiously reading her PADD, a few errant wisps of hair glinting in the low light. She was lovely, and so, so close.

There had been a few precious times like this on New Earth where they'd sat close to each other on a log by the river or lay shoulder to shoulder under the stars. She'd smelled differently then: cleaner, more earthy, but still exactly the way he'd expected. He remembered openly watching her as she made up a story about a constellation they'd just named. His desire to kiss her and hold her had been almost irresistible that night, and that ache was beginning to fill his chest again.

He took a long pull of his tea in an effort to get her scent out of his nose and forced himself to pick up another PADD.

They again lapsed into silence as they worked, though Chakotay was afraid to move. He managed to get through three reports like that, sitting stiffly in the hope that she wouldn't pull away. He realized, however, that her head was lying pretty firmly against his shoulder again. He looked down at her to find her hands in her lap, still lightly holding her current PADD, and her eyes closed.

He smiled, his heart warming again. "Kathryn," he said softly, reaching across his chest to grip her shoulder. "Kathryn, wake up."

She woke with a start, suddenly sitting up ramrod straight. "Huh? What...?"

Chakotay chuckled. "It's alright. You fell asleep."

Kathryn's hands started to shake and then she was quickly gathering up her PADDs, muttering to herself. "I should...I should go. This isn't right...I should..." She dashed for the door.

Chakotay chased after her, concerned. This wasn't like her. "Kathryn, wait! It's alright." He grabbed her arm just as she reached the doorway; another centimeter or two and she would have triggered it to open. He pulled her around to face him. "It's alright," he repeated softly.

There was a frantic, almost frightened look in her eyes. She swayed as if she were about to lose her balance. "Chakotay, I..." she started but trailed off.

"Kathryn? What is it?" He put both hands on her upper arms now to support her, both physically and emotionally.

She didn't reply. Her eyes continued their agitated dance, but her gaze didn't waver from his. After a few moments, some of the tension eased from around her eyes, and, to Chakotay's surprise, she rose up on her toes. She swayed a little again and he held her steady. Before he could question her, her eyes slid shut and she leaned in to brush her lips against his. She held them there, pressing a bit more firmly when she met no resistance.

Utterly surprised, Chakotay's mind went blank and he could do nothing but close his eyes and return the affection, letting her take the lead.

After what seemed like forever and no time at all, Kathryn's balance gave out on her and she fell back on her heels, the height difference between them forcing their lips apart. The fear returned to her eyes and she turned away from him.

"Good night, Chakotay," she mumbled as she rushed through the door.

"Kathryn!" He stepped out in to the corridor after her. "Kathryn!"

But she was already gone.

* * *

_Yeesh...almost 5000 words! I didn't intend for this chapter to be this long, but I wrote the end of it first and it took what it took to get to it. And it's up less than three weeks after the last chapter! Those of you who have read my other stuff know that's like...instantaneous for me! But again, this story...I don't know...it's almost distracting sometimes how much I think about it. My outline/notes for this is up over five pages now plus I have a couple of later chapters sketched out. The ideas just keep coming..._

_I talk quite a bit about poetry in this chapter, and while I've dabbled in it in the past, I can't say I'm very good. Which is why I didn't try to compose any for this chapter. If you want a feel for what I had in my head for the Bajoran love poems in the first section, Google "Love Song" by Rainer Maria Rilke; that's the type of language I was thinking of. (Imagine Chakotay reading that...) Think Dr. Seuss for Yacobian's report. :-)_

_On to the next chapter... _


	3. A Stroll

_While Paramount would never be smart enough to do with these characters what I'm doing, I, alas, do not own them._

_Chapter 3: A Stroll_

_by Lelila_

The next morning, Kathryn made an appearance on the Bridge at the beginning of Alpha shift and then promptly shut herself up in her Ready Room. She buried herself in work in an attempt to keep herself from thinking about kissing Chakotay.

She really didn't know what had possessed her to do that. She had been so startled and confused when Chakotay had woken her all she really knew was that something was _wrong_ about waking up in his arms. She'd followed her fight-or-flight response and made for the door. But when he'd caught her, and she'd looked into his eyes, seeing such concern there, something inside of her melted. The ache she'd felt a few nights prior pulled at her again, and the only thing that had made any sense to do at that moment was to kiss him.

But the bright light of Alpha shift had left her terribly confused. Everything she'd ever said, everything she'd been trained for, everything she believed in, everything she'd promised herself and this crew told her she couldn't go down that road. Then why had it felt so right?

She was jarred out of her reverie by the sound of her door chime. She sucked in a breath and shook her head, pulling herself back to the here and now. "Come in," she called.

Chakotay came in as he did every day about this time to deliver the morning reports. "Repairs are about complete," he said as he handed her his PADD. "We should be back to 100% late today or early tomorrow."

"Good," she replied, plastering a fake smile on her face. "Any surprises during the repairs?"

"Not really," he answered. "Oh, and that 'unholy racket' you heard last night was the spraying of insulation between the inner and outer hull. I guess the application gun can be quite noisy." He paused, his friendly demeanor evaporating a bit as he became a little hesitant. "Speaking of last night," he said softly, "you left your boots in my quarters."

Kathryn felt herself blanch. "So that's what happened to them," she rasped, barely above a whisper. "I wondered why I couldn't find them this morning. I had to replicate a new pair."

"Do you want them back, or should I recycle them for you?"

Kathryn chewed her lip for a moment. "I think I'd like them back. They're all broken in the way I like."

Chakotay nodded. "I'll bring them over." He hedged a moment, then dropped his voice even lower. "About…how you said goodnight…"

She held up a hand, daring to look up into his eyes. "Not now. I promise you we'll talk about it, but not now, not here."

"Alright," he acquiesced, dropping his eyes in an expression of both disappointment and thoughtfulness. "Tonight?" He flicked his eyes back up to hers. "Dinner. My place. I'll cook."

Kathryn released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. The look of expectation and hope in his eyes was a little frightening, but was also something she couldn't say no to. "You mean actually cook?" she challenged as she tried to take control of the situation again. "Not just hope the replicator doesn't butcher your request?"

He smiled, the appearance of his dimples making her insides warm a bit. "I mean actually cook. 1900 hours. Civilian clothes; no uniforms."

That made Kathryn swallow a protest, but she realized he was right. This was more about Kathryn and Chakotay than about the Captain and Commander. She nodded. "I'll see you then."

Chakotay flashed his dimples again and took his leave, leaving Kathryn with the morning reports and a head full of jumbled thoughts.

She scrubbed her hands over her face. It was obvious she wasn't going to get any work done; she needed to sort this out in her head.

After a moment of pondering, she struck on an idea. She tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"Commander, I'm going to take a walking tour of the ship. Just comm me if you need anything."

"Acknowledged."

Kathryn tried to do this once or twice a month: take a stroll through the ship. It was a kind of informal inspection and it took her to areas she didn't normally go to and gave her a chance to talk to crew members she didn't see often. She felt it helped her keep in touch with her ship and crew.

Something she'd discovered early on was that it was a good thing to do when she needed to think. Much of the stroll was spent walking alone from place to place. She'd worked out quite a few problems while taking these tours of her ship.

She wandered aimlessly for nearly an hour, not actually stopping anywhere, her thoughts and feelings a jumbled mess. She could admit being attracted to Chakotay; he was tall and strong and handsome with an adorable smile, and, perhaps more importantly, he was smart, well-educated, honorable and kind. And he could make her laugh; that was a big plus.

She could also admit that, especially since New Earth, she had a strong bond with him. He was certainly the best friend she had on this ship, maybe the best friend she'd had in a very long time. And being with him was easy. At least it usually was, when she wasn't wrestling with her feelings about him.

She found herself in the Airponics bay, pondering some daisy-like flowers. She couldn't say she was really _looking_ at them; it was just something pretty to put in her field of vision while her thoughts jumbled around in her head.

"Captain?" Kes's honey-smooth voice gently pulled her back to the present. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Kathryn forced a smile. "No, thank you. I'm just taking a walking tour of the ship." She paused, taking a moment to really look around the bay. "I must say, you've done a wonderful job down here."

"Thank you. Do you like the bachelor buttons?"

"I'm sorry?"

"The flowers," Kes smiled. "The Doctor calls them feverfew; we're growing them because the leaves have anti-inflammatory properties, but my research tells me that they're commonly called bachelor buttons."

Kathryn's smile was genuine now. "I didn't know that."

"Really? It's from Earth."

Kathryn chuckled. "As I'm sure your research will show, there are a _lot_ of different flowers on Earth, and I'm no botanist. I honestly thought these were some type of daisy."

"Daisy?"

"Another type of Earth flower."

Kes nodded, smiling but looking a little embarrassed. The Ocampa's posture changed after a moment, and she looked directly into Kathryn's eyes. "Maybe it's not my place, Captain, but, is something bothering you?"

Kathryn dropped the girl's gaze. Kes was so perceptive about such things. Certainly some of it had to do with her telepathic abilities, but Kathryn knew she was also a very sensitive person. "It's personal, Kes," she answered after a moment. "But thank you for your concern."

Kes shifted her weight between her feet. "Again, maybe it's not my place, but…do you have someone you can talk to about personal things? You seem somewhat…removed from the crew at times. I know I don't have your experiences, but I'd be happy to listen."

Kathryn gave her a genuine smile. "Thank you again, Kes. That's very kind." She was about to decline the offer when an idea struck her. "Could I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course!"

"Are you happy here? On _Voyager_?"

"Yes!" Kes's face lit up. "I've seen so many wonderful places and made so many wonderful friends. It's so far beyond what I'd dreamed of when I left the settlement…I can't tell you how incredible and exciting it is to be here!"

Kathryn couldn't help but laugh in delight along with Kes. She had to admit, there were still moments she felt that way, though they were few and far between anymore. She quickly sobered and pushed a little closer to her point. "And you're alright with the idea that you might spend the rest of your life on this ship? That you may have to make important life choices like marriage and children while you're here?"

"I honestly couldn't think of a better place to do it."

"You wouldn't want a more permanent home? A real community?"

"But this is a community," Kes enthused. "Maybe more so than most because we know we all need each other."

Kathryn nodded. "I suppose you're right."

Kes canted her head, considering the woman in front of her. "Captain…are you thinking about starting a family?"

Kathryn snorted a surprised laugh. "I wouldn't go that far. But…" She lowered her voice and started to pace away from Kes. "I have been thinking about…" She paused, unsure how to phrase this feeling. "About…life passing us by."

"Captain?"

Kathryn turned back to face the young woman. "Maybe you feel differently because your species is so short-lived, but I have every intention of getting this crew home with a lot of their lives left to live. I really expected to have us home by now, to tell the truth."

Kes spoke slowly, betraying her thought process. "And you're worried that the things that you're waiting to get home to won't be there because it's taking too long?"

Kathryn nodded and continued on in a whisper. "And I'm worried that I want now the things that I was waiting for." She shook her head. "Am I being selfish? I feel like I'm being selfish."

"Of course not," Kes's voice was firm, but reassuring. "If a pair of crew members came to you and told you that they wanted to get married, would you tell them 'no, you have to wait until we get home'?"

"That's not my place."

"Then why should it be any different for you?"

"I'm the captain. My job is to keep these people safe and get them home as fast as I can."

"That's everyone's job," Kes pointed out. "Is there some reason we can't all be happy while we're doing it? And suppose it does take seventy-five years to get to the Alpha quadrant. Why should anyone on this ship, you included, put their life on hold for all that time?"

Kathryn heaved a sigh, feeling her normally stiff posture deflate. She dropped her chin to her chest and sagged against one of the shelving units. She could hear Chakotay's voice speaking Kes's words.

"Captain," Kes circled into her field of view. "Certainly I don't know what's best for this ship or its crew or even for you, but I do know this: you'll only find happiness if you listen to your heart." She reached out and put a hand on Kathryn's shoulder, waiting to speak again until their eyes met. "What is it telling you?"

"I…" Kathryn hesitated, unsure how to answer. But something in Kes's eyes gave her strength and, for a brief moment, she was able to analyze her emotional state. "It's…it's being shouted down by my head."

Kes's lips turned up in a small smile. "When I first met Neelix, everyone told me I should stay away from him. And what they said made sense: he was Talaxaian, not Ocamapa, he was a trader and gone much of the time, and he didn't exactly have the greatest reputation for being honest. But somehow, as soon as I met him, I knew he would never hurt me. And despite everyone's advice, despite my own common sense, I listened to that inclination and found one of the sweetest, most loving, most wonderful people I've ever known. And following him brought me here." Kes's smile grew broad.

_Sweetest, most loving, most wonderful…_ Kes could have been describing Chakotay. Kathryn's heart constricted with longing again. "Thank you, Kes," she rasped out after a moment. "You've given me a lot to think about. And listen for." She managed a small smile.

"Well," Kathryn drew a breath and squared her shoulders, pulling the Captain back to the fore. "I need to be going. But, thank you again. It's good to know I have someone I can talk to." She smiled at Kes and squeezed her shoulder before turning to go.

"Captain, wait!" Kes called after her. "Take a bachelor button." She held one out. "Maybe it will brighten your day."

Kathryn smiled brightly and accepted the small flower. "Thank you," she said as she tucked it into the center of the swirl of hair she had pinned to her head. "It just might."

000000OOOOOO000000

Kathryn continued her stroll around the ship, turning her conversation with Kes over in her head. What _was_ her heart saying?

Her wandering brought her to the Mess Hall, empty and dark and quiet, absent even of Neelix for a brief time between breakfast and lunch. She didn't bother calling for the lights, just replicated herself a cup of coffee and settled into one of the sofas pushed against the wall. She sipped her coffee and stared out at the stars, hoping they would bring some kind of an answer.

After a few minutes the lights came on. Kathryn squeezed her eyes shut at the sudden assault.

"Captain! What a pleasure it is to find you here!" Neelix's cheerful voice sounded from behind her.

Kathryn jumped.

"Oh, I'm sorry Captain! I didn't mean to startle you!"

Kathryn held up a hand as she turned to face him. "It's alright. That's what I get for sitting alone in the dark."

Neelix leaned around as she turned. "Is that a flower in your hair? It's lovely!"

Kathryn reached back and ran her fingertips over the petals. "I stopped in airponics and these were in bloom. Kes gave it to me."

"That's so like her, my sweet dear," Neelix smiled to himself. "But I must say, Captain, it really does set off the color of your hair. You know, that's one of the first things I noticed about you; that color hair is very rare in this quadrant."

"Really? How interesting." Kathryn did her best to feign attention.

"Really. I always have a hard time taking my eyes off you when you wear it down, it is so beautiful!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere if you're angling for something, Mr. Neelix."

"Can't a man compliment a beautiful woman, even if she is his captain?"

Kathryn shook her head. "Neelix…"

"No, Captain, I mean it. You hide it behind that uniform and severe hairdo, but you are an attractive lady. Your ears are a bit small for my liking, but if I were single…"

Kathryn couldn't help but smile.

"And that smile! It really does...what's the phrase Tom's used?" He snapped his fingers. "Light up a room. That's it. An apt description."

A flush of embarrassment warmed Kathryn's cheeks and she looked away. "Tom said that about me?"

"Well, about your smile, anyway," Neelix answered. "May I offer a bit of advice Captain? From your Morale Officer?"

Kathryn did her best to put her Command face back on. "Yes, of course."

"You need to find more reasons to smile. When the Captain is relaxed and happy, so is the crew. That's one of the first things I noticed when I took this position."

"That's good to know, Neelix, but there's only so much someone in my position can..." She trailed off, the whisper of her heart finally becoming loud enough to hear. What it said was still a bit confusing, but at least she knew what direction to look in now.

"Captain?" Neelix prompted after she sat in silence for several moments.

"That's...actually very good advice, Neelix," Kathryn answered. She squeezed his arm and favored him with a smile. "Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some things I need to do."

* * *

_Here's a twist on my normal cliffhanger! Just what did Kathryn's heart say to her? And what things does she need to do? (Would you kill me if I told you it was just catching up on reports?) Find out next chapter..._

_Eeep! Only two weeks since my last update! I told you, this one just will not shut up. I can't tell you the last time I've been able to get something done this fast._

_It's really interesting to me how much this chapter changed. It actually started out as a discussion with Tuvok about fraternization protocols, but I realized most of what she said to Tuvok she'd say to Chakotay next chapter, so it seemed redundant. Ditto with the discussion with Kes; it originally was much more personal. And the bit with Neelix just came to me a couple of days ago; it was like a light going on. That might be my favorite part of writing: coming up with new ideas that fit into the puzzle of what I've already come up with._

_Off to work on chapter 4...please let me know what you think so far! _


End file.
